Hardest Goodbye of my life

So I left Costa crying. It was the hardest goodbye of my life because I felt the truth that I am most likely never ever going to see these people the rest of my life. They are only at the jungle temporarily, so the likelihood of seeing them all again before heaven is slim to none. On top of that, I am a nature fanatic. I don’t like city. And here God is trying to bring me back to the city just shortly after all the physical and emotional healing I went through. To be honest I was scared. Scared of being trapped in a building. Scared of having to hide behind a mask again. Scared of feeling out of place. Scared of losing the love I was feeling. My heart was broken. 

Then we landed in Colombia and don’t get me wrong the mountains are gorgeous, but the city as one of the volunteers describes it is like New York on crack. People everywhere, drugs on every corner and prostitutes walk about freely. On top of that there is protests regarding taxes and due to COVID the city enforces quarantine on weekends. Within 3 hours of being here there is a massive protest right down our street and we had to shut all the windows and we couldn’t even step outside. The government enforced the strictest lock down yet. My greatest fear of being trapped came to life, but in ten fold. My only saving grace is we have the roof to look out into the city and surrounding mountains.

So I found a place on the roof and came to Jesus, crying and broken hearted. During my time with him the song: Nothing Else came on. The song is about how all we need is Jesus, but Jesus reminded me that he feels the same way about us. I don’t have to be put together. I don’t have to do anything or be in a certain emotional state. He just needs me. 

 

And then after dinner they had youth worship and they sang the same song in spanish. And it was really evident the Lord was talking to me. That all he needs is for me to be present with him. And then the next song came on and the children started dancing for the Lord. And y’all know I love dancing! So I danced with them! And then after we got to teach them our squad dance footloose. It was so fun and I was overflowing with joy. God knew exactly what I needed. And in that instant my heart was no longer broken, but completely filled again. He turned my ” mourning to dancing. ” ( Graves in Gardens Brandon Lakes) And as I looked out into the sea of city lights I no longer saw bricks and concrete and darkness. Instead I saw life. Each light is a life that is shining brightly and God only wants to make it shine brighter. 

The next morning I had really sweet time with the Lord and realized that he made the city just like he made the jungle. Beautiful. That all the city needs is Jesus and how cool is it that I get to be apart of spreading his love. My ipad was on shuffle and the songs that came on the queue were all about just needing him. I Just Need You, Wild for Me, All I Need is You. His presence was overwhelming and I was smiling ear to ear the whole time he was talking to me overflowing with his love and a sense of belonging. Smiling because I know I’m needed and loved and excited to watch the people of Colombia to experience that same relentless love.