So last time I updated you I said I hated the city, but that night of arrival in Medellín God had turned my mourning to dancing. Well God has worked some miracle again and this city that I felt so alone has now become a place I feel at home.
So month 8 debrief we got this thing called a re-entry packet which prepares you to go back home. But I started crying for two hours when I got it because I got this strong feeling that I am not supposed to go back home. I started crying because I was scared. Scared of disappointing my family, scared of disappointing my friends, scared of disappointing God.
Well flashforward a week and I am preparing to teach a lesson for the amaneceres about pilgrims(amanecers means sunrises and it’s what they call the youth here).
I thought pilgrims were just travelers, but the actual definition is a person on a spiritual destination. We looked at examples in the bible such as Abraham and Peter. Just because they are pilgrims does that mean they don’t have a home? Aren’t they already home? It was then that I realized, I am home. God wasn’t telling me not to go home. He was telling me not to go back to my house. Home is the warmth he fills me with as the sun rises. Home is the compassion he fills me with as I gaze into the eyes of the lonely and longing. Home is where you get to speak your mind freely. Home is the endless grace extended and not blinking twice about some ones past. Home is where you recharge and a place of restoration. Home is where you feel the love of Jesus. It’s not the place it’s the people.
That’s what the foundation has been for me. Hugs from the youth as they embrace me with excitement to see me. Contagious smiles on the kids faces as we play games and I get to be myself and act like a child. Compassion I feel as I walk through the homeless streets and only feel hopefully not hopeless. When I teach the youth I get to speak freely about what is on my heart and what the holy spirit is doing in my life and not receive judgement when I come with more questions than answers. Where truths are spoken into my life and lies are cast out. I get recharged by people sharing revelations, miracles, and extending their love to me through meals, guava, brownies, and kindness. But it’s not the foundation that I call home, it’s the people. I gave them a piece of my heart in exchange for a piece of their heart that I get to carry with me throughout the rest of the world. We share the home of Jesus and his home is big enough for all of us.
This hit me hard. I’m currently living in a city and I feel the same way. I’m always looking out as far as I can to the horizon and I have a yearning to travel. What stops me from traveling is I have no idea how to support myself as a traveler. I live paycheck to paycheck and I have medical debt. As much as I’d love to live a nomadic life sharing the Gospel, I don’t have a support group/or system. If I am called to this, surely Jesus would provide for me to travel. I haven’t gotten affirmation yet. When I was on a missionary trip in Trullio Peru, I was only there for two weeks and I cried so hard not wanting to go back to my life in America. My life here doesn’t feel fulfilling at the moment. I’m just living paycheck to paycheck and doing the daily grind of going to work, staying home or hanging out with familiar friends, sleep, work, the cycle goes on and I feel so shallow in my spiritual calling.
What’s so beautiful about you, Ellie, is that your sincere love for people always overrides your displeasure of a surrounding.
Humbly putting others first is something you do so well. What I admire the most, is the balance you’ve created by taking the time, each day, to allow the Lord to fill you with His love & wisdom, then letting that spill over into the lives of those around you. What a secret to life you have learned!
This is beautiful. And I feel it so deeply. You’re heart and perspective is so beautiful keep sharing!
Home is where your heart is! And your heart is very obviously in this labor of love, this missionary work you are doing. Try to turn your fears of disappointing anyone over to God, dear Izzie. There’s so much scripture about that, my personal favorite being Joshua 1:9. Follow your heart! I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH!!! Love you, love you, love you!!!
Thanks Kim. I never would think of myself as someone who puts others before myself. So thank you for speaking that truth into my life.
And speaking of secretes to life. I finally spoke in the spirit last Sunday!
Can’t wait to read your blog while you squad lead. Also can’t wait to share in person soon! I love you!
Thank you for the encouraging scripture and just loving me by following my whole journey. Miss you!
I read the book the cross and switchblade which is all about the teen challenge organization which the foundation is modeled after. The foundation is where I stayed in Medellin. I highly recommend the book but more importantly a lot of book was true testaments how God showed up after he took the first step. Building when the bank account was empty. Having conferences when the guest list was low. I truly believe if you take the first step he will show up. He is the God of impossible. Trust him and let him take care of you. He has miracles waiting for you.